Welcome to EWWW / Bienvenido a OOOOOF.
1. The sunsets look like this everywhere, right? Boring.
Sunset over the Miami skyline.
2. The only thing to do there is go to cheesy nightclubs. Everyone knows this.
The Hanging Gardens at PAMM
Patrick Farrell for VISIT FLORIDA / Creative Commons / Flickr: visitflorida
The Miami Museum of Science and Planetarium
GRP / Creative Commons / Flickr: gpmpk
5. The people are shallow. They only care about clubbing and shopping and getting a tan.
2006 immigration rally.
6. And it’s just all… the same. You’ve seen one palm tree, you’ve seen âem all. Zzzzzzzzzz!
Multi-colored bougainvillea at Fairchild Tropical Garden.
7. People there basically subsist on overpriced cocktails.
A beautiful little jolt of Cuban coffee.
8. It’s positively swarming with gators!
Watch out! It’s the dreaded(edly adorable) Florida manatee.
9. The official bird of South Florida is the mosquito, or so I’ve gathered from many a Facebook joke.
Peacocks roam streets and rooftops alike across Miami.
10. Not to mention all the corny “tourist traps.”
A nighttime view of the Vizcaya mansion.
11. Rumor has it that the only songs that play there are by Will Smith or LMFAO.
A music-themed mural in Little Havana.
13. It’s an ugly, plastic area.
Vine-covered oak branches reach out to one another across Coral Way.
15. The art scene there is just an excuse for pretentious people to throw parties.
Mural by Brazilian artist Eduardo Kobra / Via Wally Gobetz / Creative Commons / Flickr: wallyg
Eduardo Kobra mural is just one example of Miami’s accessible art scene.
16. The food there is gross and boring and I want to vom just thinking about it. YUCK.
A Cuban frita from El Rey de las Fritas, Colombian patacón and empanada at Bolivar, and a Trinidadian-spiced curry roti roll from Christine’s Roti Kitchen.
18. It’s aggressively basic, with no sense of originality or weirdness.
The mysterious Coral Castle was built with over 1,100 tons of coral rock quarried, carved, and assembled through unknown means by one man, Edward Leedskalnin, as a monument to his lost love. Or it was built by aliens. One can never be too sure.
19. Everything has to be loud and showy! There’s no place for quiet moments.
The view from the Deering Estate at sunset.
UGH. Don’t ever visit. You’ll hate every delicious, musical, inspiring, sun-drenched, ocean breeze-kissed moment.
The sun rises over the Miami skyline, as seen from Matheson Hammock.
Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexalvarez/homesick-tbqh